A 54-year-old British teacher in Sudan was arrested for blasphemy after her class of 7-year-old brats named a teddy bear "Mohammed." Apparently, naming a cute furry stuffed toy after the Prophet is seriously uncool under Islamic Sharia law, and you can get 40 lashes or 3 months in prison for it. Yikes.

This story is so ridiculous that I think it deserves a proper response... a lolcat response.

Am I in trouble now? LOL.

"Sanitize your clean hands frequently"? That sounds a bit obsessive-compulsive, don't you think?

My hands seem clean, but I must sanitize them again... and again... and again....

Ha! I knew this day would come. The rest of the world is finally starting to recognize the truth of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the one true god and the creator of the universe. Yay!

Check out the Flying Spaghetti Monster Flash game. OK, so maybe it's not the best game in the world, but tell me, what other religion has a Flash game? The uniqueness of Pastafarianism is clear evidence that it's true!

All other religions are lame because they don't have Flash games. You Christians get boring crucifixes, which, aside from being totally depressing, are possibly made by underpaid Chinese workers in inhumane sweatshops. Yay for slavery in the name of Jesus!

Islam is threatening to overtake Pastafarianism's coolness though. You lucky Muslims out there are about to get "Islamic cars"! The cars will have Allah-mazing features such as a compass that points to Mecca and compartments for the Quran and headscarves. I'm sure that the car will also have enough space for all four of your wives... perhaps right in the warm comfort of the trunk. Maybe the steering wheel will be operated with your penis, ensuring that no woman can ever drive your car. And as a bonus, you might get twice the amount of shrapnel when you blow your car up in a crowded Jewish market. Yay!

Now I'm envious. Oh mighty Flying Spaghetti Monster, when will you give me my own deliciously cool pasta car?

Chickenmafia.com presents...

Goat Morning: A Survivor Comedy

Amanda totally fell for Erik's sexy goat mating call. Too bad Jaime is no longer around. A Survivor love triangle could have provided some drama. Catfight!

WARNING: spoilers ahead.  read more »

In a few days, Runawaycat a.k.a. Neko-chan is coming over to Manila for a short visit. Since she has been a good friend of the Chicken Mafia for quite a while now, I think we should take this opportunity to have a Mafia meeting. So mark Friday, November 23, 2007 on your calendars now. Everyone is invited.

People, this is your chance to meet some of your favorite chickenmafia.com bloggers, like Philos, Catinamosh, and ArsenaL. Huh? Who, who, and who? Yeah, I know. Sometimes I too forget that they're on my blog team. Lazy bastards, all of them....

Anyway, here's the plan.

6 PM: Go-kart fun at Kart Trak (Get it? "Trak" is "kart" spelled backwards. So amazingly creative, no?). That's right beside Boom na Boom in Pasay City. Compared to other (nicer) tracks, their rates are quite reasonable... 260 pesos for 11 minutes if I remember correctly.

Karting is fun, but I want to make it clear that the Chicken Mafia shall not be held liable for any injuries or death that occur during this activity. No, I'm not kidding. The last time we went karting, this buddy of mine decided that he didn't need the brake pedal. Unsurprisingly, he crashed on pretty much every corner. He ended up with a badly sprained ankle and couldn't walk without whining afterwards. The sad thing is that he was our high school batch valedictorian... shameful. Yeah, our high school sucks.

7 PM: Seafood dinner at Dampa, Macapagal Boulevard, Pasay City. Expect to spend around 300 pesos. And before you smart asses ask... no, no free food for anyone. I don't love you kids that much.

Again, the Chicken Mafia shall not be held liable for any injuries or death that occur during this activity. For example, if you're severely allergic to shellfish and still foolishly decide to eat it, we'll laugh at you and watch you die. Philos will probably try to perform first aid, but we'll laugh at him too.

Well, that's about it. Maybe we can do something fun after dinner, like beating up random homeless people or setting parked cars on fire... or maybe not. Let's just wing it and see what happens.

If you want to join us, just send me your email address and mobile phone number. Don't worry, I will never sell your personal info to spammers unless they offer me a ridiculous amount of money (stole that line from Goodnight Burbank).

Please also indicate which activities you plan to participate in (karting, dinner, or both).

Have you heard about Pushing Daisies? It's a whimsical comedy about a pie maker who can bring the dead back to life with one touch. I've been telling people that it's the best new TV show of the season. My friend Tiffy disagrees though. Apparently, she hates Chuck, the lead female character, for being stupid.

As much as I love the show, I have to admit that the Chuck character does get on my nerves. She's the kind of person that I would avoid in real life. She never sticks to the plan and gets all emotional at the most inappropriate times. I think the writers are just trying to make her quirky, but there's a thin line between quirky and annoying, and she crosses that line a little too often.

Still, I'm not the kind of person who would waste time ranting about a stupid TV character. So why this blog entry? Because I noticed that two other new TV shows also happen to have stupid lead characters named Chuck. Hmm.

Kelsey Grammer, who is best known for Frasier, plays news anchor Chuck Darling on the mediocre new sitcom Back to You. The Chuck Darling character is basically Fraiser Crane with half the IQ--Kelsey Grammer is such a one-dimensional actor. This Chuck says and does stupid things, the live studio audience laughs at him, and... that's about it.

Then there's the title character from Chuck, an entertaining action comedy about a slacker who has government secrets stuck in his head. You know how most Hollywood action movies have that one annoying goofy sidekick who always gets into trouble? Now imagine making that guy the lead character. That's Chuck Bartowski for you. And then they gave him his own annoying goofy sidekick too, which just doubles the irritation. One running gag on the show has Chuck regularly disregarding his CIA and NSA handlers' stern orders to stay in the car during dangerous situations... not very smart.

So there you go... three stupid Chucks on three different new TV shows. Is it just a coincidence, or does the name "Chuck" somehow invoke the image of a bumbling moron? I think this is an important scientific question that demands an answer. So if any of you know any Chucks in real life, please shed some light on this matter. Thanks.

The survivors were split into two teams for this week's reward challenge, which involved trying to sink the other team's boat. The teams were picked schoolyard style, and since there were nine of them, someone would have to be left out. Guess who?

Sorry, Denise. Nobody loves you... nobody except pie. Go cry and eat a pie. You'll feel better.

Courtney's ultralight weight didn't do her team any good though. Their boat sank anyway.

WARNING: spoilers ahead.  read more »

"Yikes! That man has scary tattoos!"

Those ballers need to grow some balls, heh.

In one of her blog entries, 宝茹 mentioned lucid dreaming. A lucid dream is a dream in which you're aware that you're dreaming. It's something that I've desperately wanted to experience for a long time now.

Some people use lucid dreaming as a tool for overcoming nightmares. Others see it as a way to explore fantasies. I'm interested in neither. For me, it's really a matter of life and death. Let me explain....

Earlier today, I was having lunch in a nice Japanese restaurant. The buffet table was loaded with all kinds of sushi. Yay! I love sushi. I was going back and forth, piling food on my plate and quickly wolfing them down. Fun! But after five rounds or so, I realized that I was still hungry. What the hell? So I kept eating, but all the nice-looking food somehow felt empty to me.

Finally, I woke up. What a horrible dream! It was 2 PM, and I had missed both breakfast and lunch! Crap. I did have my alarm clocks (yes, two of them) set to 11 AM. Unfortunately, I have the wonderful ability to shut off alarms without waking up. Yeah, I know. Worstest superhero power ever.

And things seem to be getting worse. For the last few weeks, I've been regularly having these realistic dreams about all sorts of food, causing me to miss quite a few meals. I think it's a dirty trick that my lazy subconscious mind is using to keep me asleep for as long as possible. One of these days, I would probably starve to death in my sleep. And that would be so sad, right?

That's why I need to learn lucid dreaming quick. It's important for me to know if the food I'm eating is real or imaginary, because dream food doesn't have much nutritional value you know. Like I said, it's a matter of life and death.