OK, so after three months of being busy, I finally get a four-day break. Yay December! Merry Christmas everybody! :)

Now, we all know that Lay-Z JC the crapper¹ (not to be confused with the rapper) is in a state of anxiety/depression due to the seven-week-old writer's strike that messed with his usual programming. (Just between you and me, I think he'd die if this strike extends past the NBA season). So, now being the Christmas season and all, I'm giving JC a special gift: I'm blogging in lieu of him tonight.

Last Tuesday, I attended the wedding of two of my good friends as one of the secondary sponsors. For those unfamiliar with Filipino wedding customs, look them up. I was to assist the couple with the cord ceremony.

I have been part of a wedding entourage a grand total of three times in my life (the last couple of times were 10 years ago when I was still adorable and cute). And each time, I was assigned to the cord ceremony, where I all had to do is put my half of a looped cord on the groom--never the candle ceremony where you light the candle or the veil ceremony where you pin the veil on their clothes. Apparently, they couldn't trust me not to burn the church down or pinch the groom with a pin. I couldn't even lasso them cowboy-style like in the movies. Not that I mind of course. As long as I can look spiffy and get good food, I'm set.

A funny thing happened, though of course I'm sure the bride didn't find this bit amusing at all. Five minutes before the bride was supposed to march in, the groomsman² was still missing. The bridesmaid was going, "Where's the groomsman? Who's the groomsman?" And the primary sponsors were starting to march in! It's a good thing that a couple of my friends wanted to look spiffy too and attended the wedding wearing their coats and ties, and one of them filled in for him. The bride probably wouldn't have found out until the videos came out if the original groomsman arrived in time for the picture taking, but he didn't. Apparently, he thought the wedding was at 5 PM instead of 3. He must've zoned in on the time of the reception instead of the wedding like I usually do.

Everything went smoothly after that, or at least it seemed to, which is all that's important anyway, right? The only other un-smooth thing that happened was contributed by me. They had a game in which six ladies and six gentlemen were paired up using little bears with matching name tags like "Romeo" and "Juliet." Each pair except the "lucky ones" (who ended up doing the traditional "put the garter on the lady's legs while the crowd leers and jeers" thing) had to do a dare of some sort.

Me and my partner got away with what was supposedly an easy one. All we had to do was sing a Christmas carol. Not hard at all, right? So I asked her what Christmas carol she wanted to sing. She couldn't think of any, so I suggested Silent Night. She said she didn't know that song. How could anyone not know that song?! She asked for something easy. I was about to suggest Jingle Bells when she came up with Christmas Alphabet. How could anyone not know Silent Night and know this freaking song? I said I didn't know the song and she said she would lead, and started singing. So I went, "C is for the hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm, H is for the hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm...." I have a sneaking suspicion that this embarrassing performance was my real role for the night.

Other than that, everything went great, and that wedding was the funnest I've ever attended. (Actually, the groom is supposedly a regular reader of chickenmafia.com, so I needed to say that. You'd think maybe now he'd comment.)

If you need a comic relief for your wedding, feel free to send me an email. Include the specifics, like how many courses the meal has, if it includes dessert... heck, just send me the whole menu. And if you're vegetarian, forget it.

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¹Crapper - [n] any Chicken Mafia blogger, as in "Philos finally posted crap again... he's such a lazy busy crapper;" can also mean "toilet."
²Groomsman - [n] possible replacement for the groom should he get cold feet or become unfit for marriage as per "speak now or forever hold your peace" regulations.