Ever heard of a fish called gindara? I've never tried it before, but the opportunity presented itself last week, one day before Valentine's Day. The food bazaar at work was serving it, so with the kind of curiosity we chicken mafiosos are known for, I chose the gindara steak for lunch.

Overall, it was a very satisfying meal. I got a good-sized portion of its belly. Now, I should mention that another nickname of this fish is "butterfish" as it seemingly melts in your mouth with each bite. Little did I know what this fish had in store for me the following day.

I woke up with a severe urge to get to the toilet. My first bowel movement was loose, and I initially thought it was just diarrhea. However, the oil I had to clean off my butt foreshadowed something infinitely more sinister.

It was such a difficult mess I landed myself in. The oil wouldn't wash off with just regular soap, and I had to resort to dishwashing liquid. Throughout the entire workday, I had to go six times, each time incoveniently right in the middle of my patient management. And worse, I had to wash my undies in the middle of the day at work because I kept farting out oily stuff. Needless to say, it was not a happy Valentine.

The popular "local gindara" sold here in the Philippines is actually escolar. The fish is touted as the cheaper alternative to Xenical®, a diet drug that helps you lose weight by preventing absorption of fats in your diet and thus decreasing caloric intake despite consumption of fatty foods. The side effect? You release the fat you've ingested unchanged, in its oil form, which results in oily stool, loose bowel, and frequent, oily flatulence. And since oil is a lubricant, it's hard to resist defecating once the urge comes.

Gindara produces the same side effects as Xenical, but whether it has the same primary effect is debatable. It is said that gindara contains a type of fat that can't be digested by the body and thus remains unchanged upon excretion, producing the same irritating side effects. This would mean however that the effects are limited only to the fat you ingested via this fish.

For me, the effects wore off eventually. I just ate too much--the unwanted side effects could have been avoided if I consumed less than the supposed safe limit of 6 oz. So it seems that I'm still allowed to eat a little gindara occasionally. But for now, I think I'm sticking with the fats of the porky and beefy variety.