My mom somehow found out that I've been skipping Sunday services more often lately, so she came over yesterday afternoon and dragged me off to church.

This week's sermon was all about love, which is always a safe and boring topic. Perhaps in an attempt to make it less boring, the pastor started off with a quote from his favorite childhood cartoon series. Wow, I didn't know that they had TVs in the 1920s, heh. The quote? "LOVE spelled backwards is EVOL." Ooh, how clever. I don't know which cartoon he got that from, but it's just silly. I told myself that, once I take over the world, I'll make it illegal for anyone over 40 to quote from cartoons.

The old guy wasn't done. He said he wanted to do some more wordplay. Yay. He then said that rEVOLution and EVOLution are also EVOL. Revolution is evil because it means hating authority, and evolution is evil because it means believing that there's no god. Hahaha, what the hell? Maybe he should do less wordplay and do more word comprehension.

I wasn't sure how to react to all the silliness, so I did the only logical thing: I laughed out loud. For some reason, my mom and the other people around me weren't as amused as I was--I got a quite few dagger looks.

So I shut up and took a nap.

Previously on Survivor, the Four Horsemen had been cut down to two, and good triumphed over evil. Unfortunately, Stacy, who was starting to become somewhat likable in the last episode, rediscovered her inner bitch not five minutes after the tribal council.

Let them eat shit!

No food for the Horsemen! But don't worry, they won't starve to death, because they'll probably be voted out soon enough.

WARNING: possible spoilers ahead.  read more »

Yesterday, British actor Hugh Grant was arrested after attacking a photographer with a tub of beans. Whee! Food fight!

You probably know beans as a type of food that can make you fart. But "bean" can also be a verb that means "to strike a person on the head with an object."

Hmm. So can we say that Hugh Grant tried to bean someone with a tub of beans? Heh.

Did I mention that beans can make you fart? Farts are funny.

Even Michael Scofield can't come up with such a brilliantly stupid prison break plan.

In Kentucky, prison officials released Timothy Rouse after receiving a fake court order faxed from a grocery store. That's right, a grocery store. The phony document wasn't typed on letterhead and even contained grammatical errors. And did I mention that it was faxed from a grocery store?

The Chicken News Network managed to obtain a copy of the fake court order. Check it out.

dear warden,

i demand timothy rouse be release imediately!!!!!1 yay. thanks =)

sincerely yours,
president of the supreme court

p.s. this is not a fake!!!

Hmm... it does look authentic. Can't blame the prison officials for getting fooled.

Here are two unintentionally funny pictures from the last regular season meeting between the Golden State Warriors and the Dallas Mavericks.

Dude, you're blocking the wrong ball!

Sometimes, Karma kicks you in the balls.

Yesterday, the Warriors upset the heavily-favored Mavs to take a 1-0 lead in their best-of-seven series. Yay! It's always nice to see ballsy underdogs win.

OK, enough about balls.

After last week's lame episode, Survivor is back in fine form. Strategizing, backstabbing, and backstabbers getting backstabbed... how fun!

The survivors were made to answer mean-spirited questions about their fellow survivors at the reward challenge. A clear pattern soon emerged: no one likes Stacy. For instance, when Jeff Probst asked, "Who do you not want to see again after the game?", everyone answered "Stacy." Ouch.

Must not cry.... Must not cry....

Everybody hates Stacy. She's definitely getting voted off, right? We'll see about that.

WARNING: possible spoilers ahead.  read more »

It hasn't been a good week for Asians. A Korean retard killed a bunch of people, Sanjaya was voted out of American Idol, and now, an Indian furniture store owner is in trouble over a couch manufactured in China.

Why? What's wrong with the couch? According to CNN.com, a tag on the dark brown sofa labelled the color as "nigger brown." Nigger brown? Ahahahaha! It's nice to see CNN getting its comedy groove back after days of oh-so-serious massacre coverage.

The customer who bought the racist sofa happens to be black, and she doesn't find it so funny. She's fuming mad and threatening to sue. The sad thing is that the poor Indian guy didn't even know what "nigger" means. Nevertheless, he is now expected to apologize to Al Sharpton and enter alcohol rehab.

What the hell were the Chinese manufacturers thinking when they wrote that label? Well, they weren't thinking. They used an old Chinese-English translation software and apparently forgot to install the political correctness upgrade.

Haven't the Chinese learned by now that computers suck at translating? Tsk tsk. They should have hired me to do the translation. I could have done a much better job. For starters, I know that the proper technical term for dark brown is "poop brown." Duh.

Unless you've been hiding under a rock for the past three days, you must have heard about the Virginia Tech school shooting that killed 33 people. And if you're hiding under the rock because of the shooting, you can come out now. The gunman shot himself. It's over.

But of course it's not really over as far as the news media is concerned. Much of the attention is now focused on the killer, Cho Seung-Hui, a 23-year-old senior English major at the university.

Before he went on his shooting rampage, Cho mailed a package to NBC containing pictures, videos, and a manifesto. It took two days for the package to get to NBC because Cho put down the wrong address and zip code. Wow, this loser just couldn't do anything right.

Here's a clip:

What a psycho, right? Former classmates sure thinks so. They were freaked out by two plays that Cho wrote in their playwright class, "Richard McBeef" and "Mr. Brownstone". The classmates described the plays as being disturbing, macabre, and violent. Hmm, interesting.

I read both plays and came away somewhat disappointed. Disturbingly violent? Meh. I've seen episodes of Prison Break with way more violence.

What I did find disturbing is how badly written the plays are. Read them and you'll know what I mean. I'm no Quentin Tarantino, but I think I've written better dialogue than that when I was thirteen. I can't believe how an English major could write so poorly. How did this guy even make it to his senior year?

I can't help but think that if Virginia Tech had higher academic standards, Cho would have flunked out of school a long time ago, and things would have turned out differently. Of course, a nutcase like that is bound to snap sooner or later. But perhaps the headline would have been something like "crazy Korean dude shoots fellow Wal-Mart employees," and the media wouldn't have to work themselves up so much over the story.

That would still be sad though. After all, Wal-Mart employees are people too.

Inquirer.net's layout sucks. They like to have a big headline on top and a photo right under it, which would be normal if not for the fact that the headline and the photo are usually unrelated. This is what I saw there earlier today.

Hmm, interesting. So we have an article telling us that 19% of Filipinos are living in extreme poverty. But right below the headline, we have a bunch of Greenpeace activists protesting against genetically modified rice while dressed as turds.

I've called Greenpeace activists idiots before, and I'll do it again. These idiots love publicity stunts. Dress up in silly costumes, carry big signs, and scream anti-GMO slogans--how fun! But if you walk up to them and ask them to explain why GMOs are bad, chances are they won't be able to come up with logical answers. Instead, they'll just throw around misleading "scare" words like "contamination." They also like to make general accusations that are unsupported by any evidence. Genetic engineering is evil! GMOs contaminate the environment! GM food is Frankenfood--it's not safe! Ooh, so scary!

Bullshit. There is no scientific evidence that GM food poses any significant health risks. But fearmongers like Greenpeace seem to have no qualms about spreading misinformation to promote their agenda. The situation isn't helped by lazy journalists who parrot Greenpeace press releases without checking the facts. And the poor public ends up scared shitless. Oh no! GM food sounds so scary! We've got to ban it!

Of course, as with any new technology, some of the safety concerns here may be valid. But the solution is to do more research and testing. It makes no sense to throw away all the benefits of genetic engineering just because a bunch of idiots are irrationally afraid of scientific progress. That's right, Greenpeace. Genetic engineering actually has benefits! Scientists don't genetically modify stuff just for the heck of it, you know. They do so to produce crops with higher yield, more nutrients, and better resistance to diseases.

In Third World countries where many people go hungry everyday, GM crops can potentially save and improve millions of lives. An example would be golden rice, which is genetically modified to biosynthesize beta-carotene. It would be good for a country like the Philippines, where Vitamin A deficiency is a prevalent health problem.

But Greenpeace activists don't want that, and I can't understand why. Maybe they're a front for the organic food industry. Or maybe they're just well-meaning dummies brainwashed by evil Greenpeace overlords. Whatever their motives are, it's clear that they're doing more harm than good.

Someone please remind these idiots that, for starving people, Frankenfood is better than no food.

The 3rd Philippine Blogging Summit, or iBlog3 for short (don't ask... I don't understand the logic either), was like a dream. Literally. I'm not used to being awake before noon, so I was drifting in and out of sleep throughout the two-day event.

Because I arrived at 11 AM on Day 1 and 10:30 on Day 2, I missed some of the early morning speakers. That's no big deal. I can just visit their blogs and get a pretty good idea on what their lectures would have been like. But missing the mid-morning snack on Day 1... now that's really sad.

Overall, the most entertaining session was Dean Alfar's lecture on... hmm, I don't even remember what it was about, but it sure was great stand-up comedy. The most boring one? Probably Atty. Jaime Soriano's long lecture on copyright. In fairness, I don't know for sure if all of it was boring, because I fell asleep after the first few minutes, heh. I know, I know, I'm such a disrespectful kid. I apologize. I do like his website's very useful law library, which I've bookmarked a long time ago.

During the lunch breaks, I hanged out with Arbet, who has cool hair (it looks similar to mine, so of course it's cool), and Dhon Jason, who has a cool camera. I must thank them for enduring my incoherent semi-conscious ramblings.

As I waited for the next session to start after lunch on Day 1, I chatted briefly with the two people seated behind me, Avi and Tim, and made them write down their URLs. I intended to do the same with everyone in the room, but the nearest stranger was one seat away, which meant that I had to stand up. My brain said go, but my lazy butt said no. Guess who won?

There was an open mic session, and I did get off my butt for that--couldn't miss the chance to mention chickenmafia.com. Quite a few others got up to talk about their blogs, but I couldn't write down the URLs because I forgot to bring a freaking pen. I did manage to remember the one about Baguio because I hate that city, and also the Pink Urinal blog because it has a catchy name.

Speaking of catchy.... On Day 2, this guy who calls himself the Jester-in-Exile wore a nice jester hat.

Damn... that's so much cooler than my Chicken Mafia T-shirt! I've got to wear a chicken suit to iBlog4. Hey, I'm serious. If someone can get me a chicken suit, I'll wear it, I swear.

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The Chicken Mafia would like to thank Jeff for leaving a comment and NineMoons for linking to us. By doing so, you kids are supporting our world domination plan.