I seem to have been doing a lot of kid stuff lately. After my less-than-pleasant trip to an amusement park two weeks ago, I hit the arcade at Robinson's Place Manila with some friends earlier this week, on a day when adults went out to vote.

I was surprised to see half a basketball court in there. A regulation court in an arcade? Hmm. And the sign on the door is fascinating too.

The Art of War: keep the door close and the windows closer.

I followed intructions and stood by the door, but nothing happened. I soon got bored, so I bought two tickets at 30 pesos each to play the free throw shooting game. In this game, you shoot 15 shots in 30 seconds--hit at least 9 and you win a prize. I made only 5 in my first game. 33%... that's worse than Shaq! In my second game, I got 8, which was almost but not quite enough to win me anything. I was tempted to go a third time, but I decided to cut my losses. Paying 60 pesos for nothing is better than paying 90 for a lame keychain that's probably worth not more than 5 pesos.

We moved on to air hockey, which is usually fun... usually. This one isn't. Apparently, young hooligans have been stealing the air hockey mallets. Why? Who knows. What we do know is that the wise arcade management clowns decided to tie the mallets to the table with ropes... somewhat like pens in a bank. And with that, they created the worst air hockey table in the world. The thick ropes kept catching the puck and blocking the goal. I was so pissed off that I forgot to take a picture.

As we were leaving the arcade, we passed by some of the kiddie amusement rides, including this very disturbing one that caught my attention.

A ride straight to hell

I know that designing these things ain't easy, but for sanity's sake, can't you come up with better background scenery than a derailed train and possibly crushed dead bodies underneath? That's so morbid. The kids are gonna need therapy afterwards.

Then there's this even more disturbing ride.

If the Bible is right, also a ride straight to hell

Hey, I'm no prude, but I don't think it's right to expose kids to the idea of mounting the butts of animals. Seriously, can you imagine what this thing would look like if there's a kid bouncing up and down on it? That's just wrong!

Back when I was young, the only objectionable thing that can be found in arcades was Chun-Li's white panty. Well, I didn't really find it objectionable, but my mother did. Nowadays, kids get death trains and simulated anal sex with cartoon mice. Jesus, what's the world coming to?