Caring for your baby daughter is stressing you out. What do you do? Why not put her in the microwave oven and cook her for 10 to 20 seconds? Problem solved. Yay! But wait, the police doesn't approve of your approach to parenting... uh-oh. What do you do? Why not blame it all on Satan? Problem solved. Yay!

Of course it's all Satan's fault. He was the one who compelled Joshua Mauldin to microwave the baby. And why the hell did Satan do that? He was trying to stop Mauldin from becoming a preacher, that's why. Hmm, that makes sense.

Many Christians like to blame Satan for everything wrong with the world, from the Holocaust to AIDS to Dr. Phil. Some even blame Satan for their own screw-ups. Now, I don't know if the "Satan made me do it" defense would work in court, but it sure isn't gonna fly with me. Grow some balls for God's sake. Stop accusing Satan of compelling you to do bad stuff. Considering that "Satan" literally means "the accuser," you're just pointing fingers at each other. It's kinda silly, don't you think?

Besides, are we even sure that Satan is the ubervillain that we think he is? Christians believe that Satan can't do anything without God's permission--see Job 1--which raises troubling questions. If God allows Satan to stir up trouble, wouldn't he be at least indirectly responsible for the suffering that follows? Is Satan just God's henchman, the one who does all the dirty work while God sits on his holy throne with his hands clean? And, most importantly, is Satan the one causing my hunger pangs right now?

Damn you, Satan. It's almost 5 AM! Oh well, I guess I can go microwave some babies for a quick snack before I go to sleep.