Over the weekend, CNN.com reported some amusing stories of cruelty to animals. Fun!

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A sixth-grader in Kansas got into trouble after stabbing a mother duck and two ducklings to death with a pencil. Yes, a pencil--those things can be real dangerous especially when sharpened. I know conservatives will say stuff like "Pencils don't kill people; people kill people." But how many more ducks have to die? Isn't it about time we sit down and seriously consider banning pencils in schools before another tragedy happens?

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In Peru, people put frogs into blenders to make a gooey smoothie that supposedly boosts stamina and sex drive. Some call it "Peruvian Viagra." I call it absolutely disgusting. Still, I can't help but wonder what it tastes like. I also think that they should try using toads instead of frogs. Imagine a drink that can both increase your sexual prowess and get you high... and it's much cheaper than LSD too. Sweet.

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Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in jail for violating her probation. OMG the judge is like so unfair! Jail is for poor people only. Spoiled rich girls shouldn't have to follow the law like everybody else. And she already said she's sorry! What more do you want? Tsk. Someone please report this to PETA. They'll tell you that Paris shouldn't be kept in a cage. She should be allowed to run free in the wild and make sex tapes!

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We should all do our share in stopping cruelty to animals. I shall leave now you with the quote of the day: "Every time you choke the chicken... God kills a kitten." Yay, it rhymes!