I'm participating in this interview meme because I wanted to force myself to write something--anything--even though I don't feel like writing. It's like when you don't feel like pooping because you're totally constipated, but you grit your teeth and force it out anyway because you need to clear space for the next meal....

So I asked Paolo Mendoza a.k.a. the Philosophical Bastard to interview me, and he gave me some tough questions.

1. Which post/s do you think had you banned in Dubai?

Hmm, I'm not sure. Could be this one. Or this one. Or any of the dozens of other posts that Muslims might find offensive. Muslims are so easily offended.

But I don't believe that chickenmafia.com is really banned in Dubai. Maybe your friend simply got caught behind a company firewall. Dubaians can't set up firewalls properly because they spend too much time watching camel porn.

That's right, I said camel porn. If we weren't banned before, we probably are now. Heh.

2. How are chickens similar to humans? And what are you holding that knife and fork for?

Easy. Both chickens and humans poop. If you think about it, poop really is the universal language.

The knife and fork are for eating. Eating is very important because you can't have poop without food.

3. Leonardo da Vinci is gay. Prove it.

Here's your proof.

You think a straight man would draw something like that?

4. Invent five words that best describe you. Explain.

Pollotheist^TM - I believe that God exists and that he is a big chicken.
Multiflunker^TM - I like multitasking, but when I try to do many things at once, I usually fail to do any of them right.
Wikilectual^TM - I'm knowledgeable in a wide range of subjects, but, like Wikipedia, my knowledge has neither depth nor accuracy.
Snoozomniac^TM - I stay awake all night, and I spend my mornings hitting the snooze button repeatedly until lunchtime.
Meatarian^TM - I'm the opposite of vegetarian.

5. Which Spice Girls song best describes you? Why?

Noooooo! Not the Spice Girls! I hate them! I guess my hatred is irrational, because I really don't know much about them. But I don't care. I hate them anyway.

And since I don't know much about them, I'll just pass the question to my readers--all three of you. Tell me, which Spice Girls song best describes me? Think and comment.

For bloggers who want to spread this meme, here are the rules:

1. Leave me a comment saying “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by giving you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.