You know those tasty little round chicken pies from Chinese bakeries? I was snacking on one as I watched TV late last night.

Each pie come with a thin piece of paper underneath, probably for preventing the pie from sticking to the box. That would have been a great idea if not for the fact that the pie now sticks to the paper. Doh.

Anyway, I have a mental disorder that makes me unable to hold a piece of paper still. Whenever I get my hands on one, I feel compelled to do something to it, like crumpling it or tearing it up. If the piece of paper is too important or just too thick for tearing, I roll it up and start hitting random objects and people with it, the way a caveman bashes stuff with his club. Oog! Me caveman me bash stuff!

This particular piece of paper that came with the chicken pie wasn't important at all, so when I finished my snack, I started to crumple it in my right hand as I continued watching the show. After a few minutes, I looked down and noticed little red specks on the paper. Hmm, that's weird. There's no red ingredient in chicken pie, is there? It took me a while to realize that those were stains from blood seeping out of a newly opened paper cut on my right middle finger.

Getting a paper cut while watching TV is pretty stupid, and I should have just tossed the bloody piece of paper away and wallowed in shame. But the ignorant caveman in me refused to believe that the seemingly harmless piece of paper could be so dangerous. So, in the interest of caveman science, I performed an impromptu experiment. I held the piece of paper in my right hand and slashed it across my left. The result? A deeper and bloodier paper cut on my left thumb. Ouch.

With that, I think I've sunk to a whole new level of stupidity. But what can I do? Cavemen just aren't very smart. Oog.