Or is he? J.K. Rowling doesn't want you to know. It's a secret that Pottyheads everywhere must guard with their lives! Hush hush!

Yawn.

I've never understood the mass hysteria over the Harry Potter books. I'm not saying that they suck, because as far as children's books go, they're definitely above average. I've read the first book, and I found it quite entertaining. I would have absolutely loved it... if I were still 10 years old. But for people in their 20s and 30s to go "OMG that's like the best book I've ever read" is simply--what's that word I'm looking for--retarded.

So is Harry Potter really dead? I don't know, and I don't give a shit. But, just for the heck of it, I'm going to say that he is. Hear that, fanboys and fangirls? Harry Potter is dead! Dead dead dead dead dead! Oh, how tragic! Now cry, damn it, cry!

Chickens of the world, here's what I want you to do. I want you to tell everyone that Harry Potter is dead. Feel free to make up your own cause of death. Be creative. Drowning, peanut allergy, erotic asphyxiation... the more ridiculous, the better. Blog about it, shout about it while running naked through the streets, and tell your cell mates about it when you get tossed in jail for running naked through the streets.

Go go go! You have two days.

UPDATE: Here's a list of people who have followed my instructions and announced the death of Harry Potter.

Good job, kids. Anyone else?