I was watching The Tonight Show with Jay Leno earlier, and Leno mentioned that Lindsay Lohan will be one of their guests tomorrow. Oh, you mean that Hollywood cokehead who used to be kinda cute before she became a freaking cokehead? Yawn.

After the show, I went back to my PC to check the CNN.com RSS feed (that's something I do compulsively dozens of times everyday). I almost choked on my half-eaten cookie when I saw this headline: Lindsay Lohan arrested again.

Whee! I love CNN.

Less than 24 hours before she was scheduled to appear on the Tonight Show, Lohan was arrested for drunk driving and possession of cocaine. What a moron. The funny part is that she just came out of rehab two weeks ago. Obviously, the rehab wasn't very effective. Maybe a few months in jail will do the trick. She can take Paris Hilton's old cell.

All the late night comics will have a field day with Lohan jokes tomorrow... all except Leno. It's not easy to make mean jokes about someone who's sitting backstage without coming across as a bully. Letterman might be able to pull it off, but Leno? Nah. He always plays it safe. So if he wants to make fun of Lohan tomorrow, he'll have to cancel her appearance and find another guest. But what are the chances of getting an A-list guest on such short notice? They'll probably end up with someone really lame, like maybe Ben Affleck or David Hasselhoff. Hmm, what to do? It's such a dilemma.

I think Leno will go for a replacement guest, and that would be the smart thing to do. But it's less than 12 hours before the show, and their official website still lists Lohan as tonight's first guest. Hmm.

Er, shouldn't that be "this week's guests"?

So will she be on the show? Or will Leno be free to crack twenty Lohan jokes, each one less funny than the last? We'll see what happens.

UPDATE: Like I predicted, they found someone really lame to be the last-minute replacement guest.

Huh? Replacement? I don't see a difference.

To be fair, "Rob Schneider as Lindsay Lohan" does sound funny--about as funny as Leno and Schneider can ever get.

ANOTHER UPDATE: Schneider sucked.