Two days ago, CNN.com had this pointless article in which Barry Gerald Sands was giving Lindsay Lohan some trite and unsolicited advice. Huh? Barry who? According to the article, he's a "defense attorney who's also a certified drug and alcohol counselor." Uh, very impressive.

Unfortunately, he's not a certified mathematician. "Whatever you have done in the past, do a 360-degree turn and go the other way," he said.

Thanks, genius. For people going down the road to destruction, doing a pirouette or two really helps. Not. Plus, if you're drunk and high on cocaine like Lindsay Lohan, doing a 360-degree turn would just make you fall down and throw up. Not fun.

To be fair, it's not just this guy. Too many people like to say "360-degree turn" without thinking about what it means. I've been hearing pastors using that expression in their sermons since I was a kid. "When I accepted Jesus, my life took a 360-degree turn!" Oh, really? Good for you.

Jesus, did all these people flunk geometry back in grade school? My head hurts.

Anyway, back to Lindsay Lohan.... she may have committed crimes way more serious than DUI and possession of cocaine. Three guys are accusing her of hijacking their SUV and taking them hostage as she went on a drunken high-speed car chase.

I don't know if those three guys are telling the truth or not, but either way, they should be ashamed of themselves. I'm not a chauvinist, but seriously, you three fully-grown dudes couldn't fight off one drunk chick? It's not as if she had a gun or something. Why not just kick her out of the car instead of covering your eyes and screaming like little girls? Grow some balls, wussies.