So Johnson & Johnson is suing the American Red Cross... yay....

Whoa, wait wait wait. They did what? They did what? Are they out of their freaking minds?

Listen, Johnson & Johnson dickheads. I don't care what the American Red Cross guys have done to you. You can't sue them. You just can't! Suing a nonprofit humanitarian organization is a lot like beating up your own grandmother--there's no way in hell that you can come out of it looking like a good guy. Congratulations, J&J. You'll forever be known as the company that sued the freaking Red Cross. Let's see how your PR department spins that one.

What horrible crime did the American Red Cross commit anyway? According to CNN, they infringed on J&J's trademark red cross logo. Huh? Let me get this straight. Red Cross doesn't own the red cross trademark? That's so wrong. Poor Red Cross.

You know what they should do? They should trademark a double penis logo then trade with Johnson & Johnson. That way, each side ends up with something appropriate to its own name. Better yet, just drop the stupid red cross symbol already. Like I told you before, it's nothing but trouble.

Need a new logo? I suggest a red croissant. It's delicious and uncontroversial. Mmm, croissant. Now I'm hungry. Damn it.