(Chicken News Network) China is looking to expand its booming manufacturing industry beyond toxic pet food, toxic toothpaste, and toxic toys.

In a move that many analysts say will shake up the global afterlife market, the Universe has outsourced reincarnation to China.

In a press conference, an official of the State Administration for Religious Oppression said that the outsourcing contract allows the Chinese government to "strictly stipulate the procedures by which one is to reincarnate." He calls it "an important move to institutionalize management of reincarnation." China will outsource all reincarnation technical support calls to India.

The Dalai Lama, the exiled Tibetan spiritual leader who has been reincarnated 13 times, is criticizing the Universe for the outsourcing deal. As a sign of protest, His Holiness has threatened to never reincarnate himself in China. In response, a spokesperson of the Chinese government said, "Yay!"

(Above) American babies arguing with each other over competing claims of being the next incarnation of the Dalai Lama.
 

In related news, the Chinese government is also negotiating with the Vatican in an attempt to corner the lucrative Christian afterlife market. The exclusive management rights of Heaven are currently being held by Saint Peter.

A lot of people hate snakes. Maybe it has something to do with how one naughty little serpent tricked two stupid humans into rebelling against God in the Garden of Eden. Bad snake! Snakes are responsible for all the suffering in the world!

But we here at the Chicken Mafia don't hold grudges... at least not for more than 6000 years. So here's a heartwarming story about a little boy who had a snake as a pet.

Hahaha! Good snake!

Anyway, here's a related video. It doesn't seem too related to me, but YouTube says that it is, so who am I to object, right?

Lucky snake :-(