I'm a vegetarian now.

As I rolled to a stop at a red light on my way home late last night, I looked out the window and saw my old friend Jollibee smiling at me. I suddenly got an intense craving for a nice juicy burger. Of course, being the cruel carnivore that I was, I gave in to the temptation without much thought. The normally annoying drive-through window was surprisingly efficient at that late hour, and 10 minutes later, I was munching on an aptly named Yum burger at home.

But as I sat down to check the latest comments on chickenmafia.com, I was reminded of the naked Alicia Silverstone PETA ad that I posted yesterday. Then I started thinking about all the naked PETA ads that I've seen through the years.

Images of naked vegetarian women swam through my head, and suddenly, I was enlightened. Burgers are disgusting! Just like me, cows have feelings too. Those gentle creatures are friends, not food! I tossed the half-eaten burger in the trash and swore that I would never eat meat again. PETA's relentless awareness raising efforts have finally got to me.

Hahaha! Just kidding. I don't think any of you fell for that anyway. If you did, send me $500 right now, then get in front of a mirror, point, and say, "you're such a gullible fool."

Don't get me wrong. I do believe that animals should have certain rights... such as the right to be delicious. Ha!

I would love to go on a date with a PETA girl. It would be so amusing to slice through a big piece of medium rare steak while she tells me why I really really shouldn't. And who knows, maybe she would take her clothes off to protest my meat-eating. Haha, fun! Someone please set me up? Yay.