I haven't blogged in almost a week thanks to a busy schedule. Now that I have a bit of a break, I still don't feel like blogging. So I'll just post this picture from Philos and call it a blog entry. It's a flyer advertising mattresses, and the sales pitch is pretty awesome. Enjoy.

NIGHT AND DAY. COMFORT AT ITS BEST FOR A GREAT NIGH'S SLEEP

We make more use of our mattress than wirually anying else .and they should help our bories recover from the day comsidering we spend a rhird of our lives in bed.

Bonus points if you can guess the nationality of the person who wrote this shit.

Horny Canadians everywhere in Canada just got their "first adult video channel offering significant Canadian adult content." "I think as Canadians there is a bit of a tiredness in seeing all American stuff," the president of the company that owns the channel said in an interview.

Well, good for them. But I'm confused. How can anyone tell the difference between authentic Canadian porn and the generic American stuff? For example, the Japanese have their bizarre fetishes, and Filipinos have their obsession with "scandals" shot on crappy phone cameras. But what exactly makes Canadian porn unique?

Do Canadian porn stars say "aboot" instead of "about"? Do their cop strippers have to ride on horses when they come knocking? Or are they just more polite when fucking? Eh?

Oh, silly me. It's easy to recognize Canadian porn. Canadians have a very distinctive look.

... Which of course raises an interesting question: if their mouths are like that, how can they perform blowjobs?

I guess we'll have to watch to find out. Too bad we don't get Canadian TV channels around here.

NOTE: I actually like Canada quite a bit, and I'll seriously consider moving there in 10 years or so when global warming drowns my little tropical country.

WARNING: This post is for spelling Nazis only. If you're not one, stop reading now. You wouldn't get it. Even if you do get it, you wouldn't find it funny. So buzz off.

Mmm, gelato....

Ha! They spelled "manggo" wrong!

In fairness, "jubilee" and "pistachio" aren't exactly the easiest words to spell, which is why this post is for spelling Nazis only. Normal people would just enjoy the gelato without bitching about minor misspellings on the labels.

Whenever I see a sale, I become a tad bit skeptical. Why are they marking this down? What's wrong with it? With food items, it usually has something to do with the expiration date. If the time frame is acceptable, I usually let my guard down and buy into the sale.

When I went to Duty Free last Sunday, I spotted a sign announcing a 50% discount for Lay's Potato Chips. So I could get a $2.40 bag of chips for only $1.20? Sounds like a good deal!

But wait! Why was it double tagged? Did they raise the price before offering a 50% discount? Devious huh. But I was one step ahead of them. I would have to take it upon myself to get my mom to buy a bag so I can investigate.

Hmm... Now could do I remove the tag properly? I decided to turn to the Web for help. This envelope steaming trick turned out to be rather educational though it didn't really help much. It also came with a stern warning:

LOLed at this. Actually, I just sorta hehe-ed at it.

With my patience wearing thin--which quite coincidentally coincided with the bag of chips running out--I decided to do the old-fashioned thing and rip the price tag out with my manly ferociousness. Okay, so I accidentally did this because I was hoping there would be chips left at the bottom of the bag. Still, it was ferocious.

Success! I have, with my superior sleuthing skills, discovered a conspiracy of the highest order. (Well, not really the highest, but that make me sound cool, and I like sounding cool.) I've finally proven what we've all merely suspected all these years. *eye squint* They actually jack prices up before they offer discounts!

They cheated us by... er... $0.15? What the?!! How much does that come up to? Not even P3.50 with the 50% mark down. Why did they do that?

Greedy bastards.

I turned on the TV yesterday and chanced upon a judo match between the Netherlands and China at the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing. I instantly got confused. Do they have mixed-gender competitions at the Olympics now? Why is the Dutch girl going up against a Chinese dude?

Lizz told me that the Chinese judoka is a woman, but I found that hard to believe. I mean, look at him/her.

Chinese judoka Xu Yan, allegedly female

Of course, just like effeminate male pop stars, manly female athletes are a dime a dozen. I think that, aside from the strict drug tests, Olympic officials should also do penis checks for athletes that claim to be female. It's not that hard (har har)--just pull their pants down and look.

In fairness, maybe Xu Yan really is a woman, and she only looks so macho because of excessive use of steroids. If that's the case, she should be careful to not turn into a man like East German athlete Heidi Krieger did.

Anyway, I have an idea. Why don't we have all athletes compete totally naked like they did in the original Olympics in ancient Greece? That would clear up most gender ambiguity problems. As a bonus, steroid abusers can be easily identified by their funny shrunken testicles.

Taking away clothes and shoes also has the added benefit of making the competition a lot fairer. At the highest level of athletics, contests are routinely won and lost by mere milliseconds. Shouldn't those milliseconds be decided by athletic ability and not by the quality of shoes or aerodynamic suits?

And besides, nudity would make women's gymnastics even more fun to watch. Yay.

Whenever I get writer's block, I post a mildly amusing picture or two and call that a blog entry.

Whenever real writers get writer's block, they... steal ideas from other writers?

What the hell?

And what the hell?

What's next? Indiana Jones and the Seven Dwarfs? Shoot me now.

ArsenaL and I went to Metrowalk (home of the Phi Resto Bar) a few months ago. There, we saw this nice little pet shop from afar.

My 13-year-old brain found the sign very amusing, and I turned to ArsenaL and went, "Heh... 'Pussies & Bitches.' Clever."

"No, it's 'Puggies & Bitches,'" he replied in a judgmental "get your mind out of the gutter" tone.

Oh, puggies. That makes sense I guess.

I suddenly felt ashamed. Felt like a total pervert... a pervert with poor eyesight... a pervert with poor eyesight and a filthy mind that can't stop thinking about pussy.

Then we got closer, and guess what? I was right all along. Ha! It's "Pussies & Bitches," bitches! ArsenaL is such a prude... a prude with poor eyesight.

Anyway, props to the shop owner for coming up with a provocative name. I'm sure the parents who take their kids there to shop for pets appreciate it as much as I do.

Speaking of provocative names... anyone wants to guess what's in the Cockhouse?

I've never been a fan of shabu-shabu (Japanese-styled hot pot), mainly because it sounds like too much work and I'm hopelessly lazy. But I also like free food, so I attended last Tuesday's Shabu Shabu 101 session at Healthy Shabu Shabu, Shangri-la Plaza Mall.

The concept of shabu-shabu doesn't seem that complicated. Sit down in front of a small stove....

Order some foodstuff....

And dump them all in the boiling water....

Yay! Oh wait. Apparently, that's the wrong way to do it.

The owner of the restaurant patiently explained how to do it right, but unfortunately, the sound system they used for the event was too echo-y. All we could hear was something like, "blah blah blah-ah-ah... blah blah shabu-shabu-bu-bu...."

So instead of straining my ears to listen to the instructions, I went with a different strategy: I acted all confused and slightly retarded until the nice waitress came over and did it for me. Yay! (If playing the helpless retard card isn't your style, you can download the step-by-step instructions.)

Overall, my shabu-shabu experience was surprisingly pleasant. I particularly enjoyed the thinly sliced beef and lamb--they tasted amazing after getting dunked in boiling water for a few seconds. Also, I didn't knock over the hot pot or get any third-degree burns, and that's a win in my book.

Healthy Shabu Shabu generously gave us some gift certificates for future visits. Unfortunately, the ones I got are good only for the Alabang Town Center branch, which is far far away from where I live. So if you're an Alabanger and you have GCs for other branches, please contact me for a swap.

Healthy Shabu Shabu is a fun, safe, healthy and interactive way of dining that utilizes state-of-the-art dining facilities and equipment. Healthy Shabu Shabu has branches at Powerplant Mall, The Podium, SM Mall of Asia, Robinsons Galleria, SM North The Block, Alabang Town Center, Robinsons Midtown and Shangri La Plaza Mall. For inquiries please call 627-3721 or 672-3290.

As the mall's closing time approached, most of its shops were already closed and properly padlocked. This one particular store went with a slightly more exotic security system though.

Sale? 70% off? Meh. One push and it will be 100% off.

Brilliant. Who needs locks when a dirty plastic stool can do the trick? Yay security!

According to a friend's friend, all you have to do is print and present this coupon and you get a regular-sized tea latte free! And he insist that this is not a joke.

Now, while I'm not one to shy away from freebies, I think this one sounds suspicious. It looks like some Catch Me If You Can wannabe's work. Of course, sillier things have turned out to be true, so I've decided to put up a dare to any enterprising spirits out there.

The terms are simple. All you have to do is print the coupon out and present it at any Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf branch.

Possible outcome #1: You actually get a free tea latte. Congratulations! You get a free tea latte. That's your prize.

Possible outcome #2: It's a hoax, and you end up making an ass of yourself. Congratulations! You get a free tea latte. I'll actually buy you one. How to claim your prize? Just email a photo of your attempt to philos@chickenmafia.com on or before July 31, 2008. Include the barista in the picture and also tell us the branch so we can confirm that it really did happen.

UPDATE! It's true!