Survivor is back! The new season, Survivor: Micronesia, sneaked up on me without warning. I hate it when that happens.

Last season (Survivor: China), we had a stereotypical Chinese chicken providing politically incorrect commentary. I wanted to have a stereotypical Micronesian chicken this time, but I couldn't find one. Hell, I don't even know where Micronesia is.

So I've decided to go with a demented old chicken. He's a perfect fit for this season because Survivor: Micronesia is "fans vs. favorites"--10 hardcore Survivor fans competing against 10 contestants from previous seasons. In short, it's newbies vs. oldies. Our old chicken knows a lot about the oldies because he has been following Survivor since it started in the late 1920s.

Off we go to Micronesia. Jeff Probst introduced the returning survivors to the starstruck fans. Look who's back!

What kind of trouble would Jonny Fairplay stir up this season? I'm giddy with anticipation.

WARNING: spoilers ahead.  read more »