I got a strange piece of email with the subject line "wrong previous message" two weeks ago:

Dear brothers and sister:

I apoligize for sending a message earlier. It was meant for the Mission Committee. The previous message contains some sensitive information in the attachment. If you have not read it, please ignore and delete it and DO NOT OPEN the attachments. If you have read the message already, please do not share the information for God's name. I apologize again for causing the confusion.

Thank you for cooperating and for your understanding.

Anchi

Oh wow, this is confusing. I have no idea who Anchi is, and I never received the "wrong previous message" that he or she was "apoligizing" for. The weirdest thing though is how Anchi addressed the group of over two dozen recipients (no, I don't know any of them) as "brothers and sister." Just one sister? But there were plenty of female-sounding names like Emily, Amanda, Jenny, Sarah and Aileen on the list. They can't all be "brothers," right? Unless... unless... oh my god, they're trannies!

The "Mission Committee" mentioned sounds like something you'd find in an evangelical Christian church. But, the last time I checked, evangelicals aren't usually fond of trannies, at least not publicly. Very strange indeed!

Of course, I was never an intended recipient of that message. My real name is short and not really unique, so I sometimes get misdirected email meant for any of the perhaps thousands of Chinese Christians who share my name. It sucks. Mom, why couldn't you have named me after a more obscure Bible character like, say, Nebuchadnezzar?

But I digress.

Something about the stray message made me intensely curious. What's in the attachment of the message intended for the church mission committee, and how can it possibly be sensitive or embarrassing enough to warrant an all-caps "DO NOT OPEN" plus a panicky "do not share the information for God's name"?

As far as I know, people don't send nasty stuff like world domination plans or pictures of their penises to church mission committees. Well, on second thought, evangelism can be a kind of world domination plan, and it's plausible that some members of a church that accepts trannies would appreciate penis pictures. But my point is, generally speaking, you'd expect church mission committee emails to be along the lines of "What should we wear to the anti-gay-marriage rally this Sunday?" or "How many missionaries are we sending to godless communist China this year?"--nothing offensive to people of the same faith. So why the hush-hush secrecy?

The only way to find out would be to take a look at the email attachment that I supposedly received but didn't. So I sent this response to Anchi last night:

Hi Anchi,

I didn't receive the message you mentioned. Please send it again. I promise to delete it without opening the attachment ;-)

Two hours later, I got a reply:

DOn't worry. It was a message that was not meant to be sent to our small group but for our church mission committee anyway.

Thanks for responding.
Anchi

So Anchi isn't smart enough to figure out that I'm not who he or she thinks I am but is just smart enough to not fall for my admittedly lame trick? Well, that's disappointing. My new friend Anchi is no fun.

I'm not sure what I should do next. Should I keep impersonating my namesake? Should I come clean and ask for forgiveness from the Church of Trannies? Or should I just stop being an ass and leave Anchi alone?

Leave Anchi alone!!!

Post a comment if you have any suggestions.