For the few Trek geeks who can't shut up about how the old Star Trek was so much better than the new movie, here's a scene from the original series.

Oh wow, awesome special effects and fight choreography.

Also, enough already about how the new movie isn't canon. No one gives a shit.

I don't know much about Star Trek, but I enjoyed the movie a lot. Fast-paced action and lots of laughs--that's my kind of movie. It didn't have the deep philosophical musings that I expected to find, but hey, J. J. Abrams is the same guy who gave us the retarded Rambaldi plotline in Alias, so I'm glad he didn't try.

Can anyone guess who this famous Filipino celebrity is?

I'm not referring to the one on the right of course--I know I'm sorta famous, but I don't mind sharing the spotlight with other stars sometimes.

I've shown the picture to some of my friends, and not many of them recognized him. Can you do better? The winner gets something from Joyfulchicken.

Update from Joyfulchicken: Slim Whale was the first one to identify Ely Buendia here, but I accidentally deleted his comment. Anyway, he gets 10,000 bonus points. (Bonus points don't do anything.)

Did you guys see the 2008 Miss Universe pageant? No? Me neither. But here's a highlight for you: Miss USA Crystle Stewart rocking the evening gown competition.

Hahaha!

If you get the feeling that you have seen this before, it could be because you actually have... sort of. At last year's pageant, Miss USA 2007 Rachel Smith also slipped and fell during the same segment. Deja vu!

Anyway, here's to hoping that Miss USA 2009 makes it a hat trick.

PETA is at it again. This time, they got Alicia Silverstone to appear in their "first-ever naked veggie testimonial PSA." Did someone say "naked"? Yay!

What, no boobies? Does this even meet the legal definition of "naked"? And I really don't see how eating nothing but veggies everyday can make you "feel so much better and have so much more energy." Little Timmy sure doesn't look too energetic to me.

Oh well, if she insists that she feels good, I have no choice but to believe her. But you know what has definitely not been good lately? Her career.

Once upon a time, Alicia Silverstone was supposed to be the next big Hollywood star. But she has hardly been heard from since she "won" a Razzie for her "performance" as Batgirl in 1997's Batman & Robin, the worst Batman movie ever made.

That was 10 years ago. And right around that time, she became a vegan. Hmm! Coincidence? I don't think so. Clearly, the logical conclusion here is that vegetarianism is bad for your career. Bad!

She still looks pretty good though. Yay.

The Church of Scientology has a nice marketing strategy: recruit and pamper celebrities. The celebrities are of course powerful marketing tools because of the influence they have over their fans.

The Church scored big when it snagged Tom Cruise, one of the biggest stars in Hollywood. The guy had it all--a successful movie career, a beautiful wife, and a squeaky clean image. It appeared that he was destined to be Scientology's poster boy, the Chosen One, the Messiah.

But something went wrong along the way. He got divorced, and things started to go south. At first, the situation didn't seem too bad. His career continued to cruise, and he dated the also-beautiful Penelope Cruz for a while.

JC says:

I desperately wanted Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz to get married and reproduce. It would have been so much fun to hear news of their kid getting beaten up at school for having a name like Bruce Cruz Cruise or something.

Then things went downhill real fast, culminating in the embarrassing Oprah couch jumping incident (thanks to Carnifex for finding the video).

After this and other public outbursts, the world began to see Tom Cruise as what he really is... a creepy psycho.

And now, it seems that he is up to his neck in trouble with his upcoming movie, Valkyrie. He has been cast to play the role of Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg, an anti-Nazi conspirator who plotted to assassinate Hitler sometime near the end of World War II. As you can probably deduce, Stauffenberg has become a dear hero for a lot of Germans, especially those trying to disassociate themselves from Hitler.

And the problem is, Germany hates Scientology! Having a Scientologist play a German hero is insulting to them, so now they have something else to hate: Cruise's guts. First, the film was banned from filming in all German military installations. Then he was labeled as "the Goebbels of Scientology." Not quite the Messiah anymore huh, Tommy?

More bad news came some weeks ago. Filming had to be stopped because 11 people got injured on their way to the shoot. The victims fell from a truck when its side panel suddenly burst open while they were going around a corner.

I'm starting to think that Xenu might have a hand in this. You're in trouble now Cruise. Xenu is after your Thetan butt! Run, Cruise, run!

Two days ago, CNN.com had this pointless article in which Barry Gerald Sands was giving Lindsay Lohan some trite and unsolicited advice. Huh? Barry who? According to the article, he's a "defense attorney who's also a certified drug and alcohol counselor." Uh, very impressive.

Unfortunately, he's not a certified mathematician. "Whatever you have done in the past, do a 360-degree turn and go the other way," he said.

Thanks, genius. For people going down the road to destruction, doing a pirouette or two really helps. Not. Plus, if you're drunk and high on cocaine like Lindsay Lohan, doing a 360-degree turn would just make you fall down and throw up. Not fun.

To be fair, it's not just this guy. Too many people like to say "360-degree turn" without thinking about what it means. I've been hearing pastors using that expression in their sermons since I was a kid. "When I accepted Jesus, my life took a 360-degree turn!" Oh, really? Good for you.

Jesus, did all these people flunk geometry back in grade school? My head hurts.

Anyway, back to Lindsay Lohan.... she may have committed crimes way more serious than DUI and possession of cocaine. Three guys are accusing her of hijacking their SUV and taking them hostage as she went on a drunken high-speed car chase.

I don't know if those three guys are telling the truth or not, but either way, they should be ashamed of themselves. I'm not a chauvinist, but seriously, you three fully-grown dudes couldn't fight off one drunk chick? It's not as if she had a gun or something. Why not just kick her out of the car instead of covering your eyes and screaming like little girls? Grow some balls, wussies.

I was watching The Tonight Show with Jay Leno earlier, and Leno mentioned that Lindsay Lohan will be one of their guests tomorrow. Oh, you mean that Hollywood cokehead who used to be kinda cute before she became a freaking cokehead? Yawn.

After the show, I went back to my PC to check the CNN.com RSS feed (that's something I do compulsively dozens of times everyday). I almost choked on my half-eaten cookie when I saw this headline: Lindsay Lohan arrested again.

Whee! I love CNN.

Less than 24 hours before she was scheduled to appear on the Tonight Show, Lohan was arrested for drunk driving and possession of cocaine. What a moron. The funny part is that she just came out of rehab two weeks ago. Obviously, the rehab wasn't very effective. Maybe a few months in jail will do the trick. She can take Paris Hilton's old cell.

All the late night comics will have a field day with Lohan jokes tomorrow... all except Leno. It's not easy to make mean jokes about someone who's sitting backstage without coming across as a bully. Letterman might be able to pull it off, but Leno? Nah. He always plays it safe. So if he wants to make fun of Lohan tomorrow, he'll have to cancel her appearance and find another guest. But what are the chances of getting an A-list guest on such short notice? They'll probably end up with someone really lame, like maybe Ben Affleck or David Hasselhoff. Hmm, what to do? It's such a dilemma.

I think Leno will go for a replacement guest, and that would be the smart thing to do. But it's less than 12 hours before the show, and their official website still lists Lohan as tonight's first guest. Hmm.

Er, shouldn't that be "this week's guests"?

So will she be on the show? Or will Leno be free to crack twenty Lohan jokes, each one less funny than the last? We'll see what happens.

UPDATE: Like I predicted, they found someone really lame to be the last-minute replacement guest.

Huh? Replacement? I don't see a difference.

To be fair, "Rob Schneider as Lindsay Lohan" does sound funny--about as funny as Leno and Schneider can ever get.

ANOTHER UPDATE: Schneider sucked.

I feel too lazy to write anything today. So how about a little highlight from the recent Miss Universe 2007 pageant?

Hahaha!

Poor Americans. First they got a mentally-imbalanced Miss USA, and now they got a physically-imbalanced one. Heh.

How about a little instant replay?

Hahaha!

As much as you thought it would, this entry isn't about joyfulchicken.

Finally, I get around to writing one of these. I'm guessing it's been more than a year since I wrote an entry, which I think is a record for procrastination, even for this lazy-ass site.

Anyway, I was going home from a gig one night when I heard a commotion up the street a short distance from the bar we played at. Being the dumbass that I am, and since I was still within sight of a few friends, I kept walking along. Surrounded by a rowdy group of hip hop-looking teens were two short shorts-wearing gay guys engaged in a hair-tearing fight. It was like watching a UFC fight, only with more hair and nipple-twisting. Now, I'm a peace-loving guy. The "Make Love, Not War" sticker I have on my notebook would attest to that. But I don't know what the proper social etiquette is for such a situation. Obviously, I wouldn't want to get in the middle of things, lest I get in the way of a wayward bitchslap.

Seeing as the situation was like a William Hung recital (you'd like to end it but you can't), I decided to let the fight fan in me prevail. That was entertainment boxing, pro wrestling and mixed martial arts can't provide. How often do you see a fighter eat a slap to the face while trying to keep his thin, old-school NBA-length shorts from falling off? By the way, he wasn't successful at keeping it on.

Just wanted to impart a great mental image. Why should I be the only one to suffer?