No, I haven't gone over to the dark side. Tiffy has.

She is now a vegetarian after signing some sort of pledge at a camp run by evil vegans. The good news is that the pledge is only for one week. And the bad news? She says that she plans to be a vegetarian for real if she makes it through the week. Sad.

Oh well, let's have a little fun at her expense. See the new poll over there? People, place your bets now! (If you're late to the party, you can find the poll here.)

And though it may be too late to save Tiffy, you can still help keep the people you care about safe from the dangers of vegetarianism. Always look out for the warning signs.

And all you vegetarians out there, think about this: if God doesn't want us to eat animals, then why did he make them so delicious?

Can't believe I just wasted five minutes re-captioning this. I think I'm addicted to Lolcats. HALP!

Kids, don't do drugs! Or do drugs... I don't care. I'm not your mother.

I saw three little white dogs tied to a bench beside a basketball court last Saturday. Apparently, the houseboy who was supposed to walk the dogs decided to goof off and play ball instead. And I guess he neglected to feed them too, because all three dogs soon started eating the grass like freaking cows.

I couldn't believe my eyes. I had to take a closer look to make sure that they weren't just chasing some small animal or something, and no, they really were licking and chewing the grass.

I ran off to grab my camera. By the time I got back, two of the doggies had probably realized that veggies taste like crap and had stepped away from the salad bar. But the third one was still munching on the green, tail wagging like crazy.

"Look! I'm a vegetarian! I'm PETA's best friend!"

What the hell? Dogs are supposed to be the quintessential carnivores! You know those four sharp teeth that we use to tear meat? There's a reason we call them "canine teeth" for steak's sake.

Stupid dog. You're a disgrace to your species and to carnivores everywhere. So cute though....

I'm a vegetarian now.

As I rolled to a stop at a red light on my way home late last night, I looked out the window and saw my old friend Jollibee smiling at me. I suddenly got an intense craving for a nice juicy burger. Of course, being the cruel carnivore that I was, I gave in to the temptation without much thought. The normally annoying drive-through window was surprisingly efficient at that late hour, and 10 minutes later, I was munching on an aptly named Yum burger at home.

But as I sat down to check the latest comments on chickenmafia.com, I was reminded of the naked Alicia Silverstone PETA ad that I posted yesterday. Then I started thinking about all the naked PETA ads that I've seen through the years.

Images of naked vegetarian women swam through my head, and suddenly, I was enlightened. Burgers are disgusting! Just like me, cows have feelings too. Those gentle creatures are friends, not food! I tossed the half-eaten burger in the trash and swore that I would never eat meat again. PETA's relentless awareness raising efforts have finally got to me.

Hahaha! Just kidding. I don't think any of you fell for that anyway. If you did, send me $500 right now, then get in front of a mirror, point, and say, "you're such a gullible fool."

Don't get me wrong. I do believe that animals should have certain rights... such as the right to be delicious. Ha!

I would love to go on a date with a PETA girl. It would be so amusing to slice through a big piece of medium rare steak while she tells me why I really really shouldn't. And who knows, maybe she would take her clothes off to protest my meat-eating. Haha, fun! Someone please set me up? Yay.

PETA is at it again. This time, they got Alicia Silverstone to appear in their "first-ever naked veggie testimonial PSA." Did someone say "naked"? Yay!

What, no boobies? Does this even meet the legal definition of "naked"? And I really don't see how eating nothing but veggies everyday can make you "feel so much better and have so much more energy." Little Timmy sure doesn't look too energetic to me.

Oh well, if she insists that she feels good, I have no choice but to believe her. But you know what has definitely not been good lately? Her career.

Once upon a time, Alicia Silverstone was supposed to be the next big Hollywood star. But she has hardly been heard from since she "won" a Razzie for her "performance" as Batgirl in 1997's Batman & Robin, the worst Batman movie ever made.

That was 10 years ago. And right around that time, she became a vegan. Hmm! Coincidence? I don't think so. Clearly, the logical conclusion here is that vegetarianism is bad for your career. Bad!

She still looks pretty good though. Yay.

Today marks the start of the new lunar year. In Chinese Astrology, this new year is the Year of the Fire Pig. China, Taiwan, Hongkong, Singapore, and all Chinatowns worldwide welcome the new year with loud firecrackers and dragon dances.

Our favorite butt of jokes PETA has manage to make use of the pig to further their cause. To open the year, the PETA pig makes frontpages by rallying people from eating pork and encouraging them to go vegan.

I suppose it might work. I don't know about you, but if all pigs look like that, I'd probably shift to beef.

Next Wednesday is Ash Wednesday. For Roman Catholics, this marks the beginning of the season of Lent. The PETA Pig is again the star for this season. They used the pig as part of this so-called faith-based billboard.

If you ask me, I think this is just plain ridiculous.

Happy New Year to all of you Chicken Mafiosos!

Our crazy vegetarian friends from PETA have struck again.

Booty vs. boobies!

This time, two PETA activists won an eBay auction to have dinner with Beyoncé Knowles. Were they fans of the bootylicious singer? Not really. They just wanted a chance to confront Beyoncé about the use of fur in her fashion line. Fur bad! Fur bad! Grrr!

So they met Beyoncé at a nice restaurant, sat down, and ordered food. Beyoncé should have sensed that something was wrong and ran for her life as soon as her two "fans" ordered vegetable dishes, but no, she was clueless. Soon, the two undercover PETA agents started bombarding her with questions like "Why do you have to use fur?" and "Why do you enjoy killing small animals?" They even pulled out a DVD player and showed her a video about how cute cuddly small animals are mercilessly killed for their fur, hu hu hu. It was very awkward.

Through it all, Beyoncé just sat there with her mouth hanging open, too stunned for words. Come on, Beyoncé! Fight back! Don't be a patsy! Tsk. Beyoncé's mother eventually stepped in and had the two PETA nuts thrown out and beaten up. (OK, I don't know if they were actually beaten up.... I'm just hoping they were.)

But PETA wasn't done with Beyoncé. Two weeks later, Pamela Anderson staged a naked protest in a shop window and then bashed Beyoncé for using fur.

Seriously, PETA, leave Beyoncé alone. She's obviously too dumb/timid to defend herself. How is that different from the small animals you're trying to protect? And someone please tell Pam Anderson to stop stripping. She used to look really good naked--her pre-Baywatch Playboy pics were the first nude pictures I've ever seen, and those were hot. But now, seeing her naked just makes me feel sad and a little nauseous.

Anyway, I hope Beyoncé decides to spite PETA by launching an all-fur collection. That would really piss PETA off, and maybe someone--anyone--other than Pam Anderson would stage a naked protest.

I was planning a long rant about the irrationality of animal rights activists, but after seeing Pam Anderson, I'm not in the mood anymore. So I guess I'll save it for a future blog entry. In the meantime, you should go take a look at the Activism Humor blog. It has a link to the Chicken Mafia, which instantly makes it a cool site.

The other day, on our way down from the mountain, we stopped by this nice little place called S.O.U.L. Cafe for a quick lunch. They had huge colorful posters for something called Coffee Alamid. I got a sudden rush of excitement when I realized what Coffee Alamid is--cat poop coffee!

More commonly known as Kopi Luwak, Coffee Alamid is made from coffee beans that have been eaten and pooped out by wild civets. It's true. I'm not making this up.

Hi, I'm a civet. Drink my poop! It's yummy!

When Catinamosh first told me about it years ago, my first thought was: who would want to drink coffee made from shit?

Apparently, a lot of people would. Kopi Luwak happens to be the most expensive coffee in the world, going for $300 a pound in the USA and Japan.

My second thought was: who was the moron who discovered that civet poop tastes good?

I still don't have a definite answer to that question. But I do have a theory....

Drunk moron 1: Shit! I just stepped on some animal poop!
Drunk moron 2: Hmm. I wonder what animal poop tastes like.
Drunk moron 1: Let's try it (licks bottom of shoe). Hey, it tastes like coffee!
Drunk moron 2: Really? I have an idea. Let's collect the poop and sell it.
American moron: I'll pay you $300 for a pound of that shit.
Drunk morons: Yey!

Is that how it really happened? Who knows. But, that afternoon, I knew that I had to try the poop coffee. Why? Because it was there. I'm just not the kind of person who would turn down a chance to try strange food items.

I was surprised that S.O.U.L. Cafe charges only P170 (around $3) for a cup of poop coffee. I always imagined that it would be much more expensive--something like $20 a cup--considering that it's supposed to be the rarest and most expensive coffee in the world. P170 isn't much more expensive than a Frappucino from Starbucks. Damn you, Starbucks! Have you been selling us grossly overpriced coffee all these years?

So how was the, uh, Crappucino? It actually didn't taste so bad for something made out of poop. It was OK. I wish I can describe it better, but I'm no coffee connoisseur. All I can say is that I drank some animal poop, so I'm now better and more sophisticated than all of you uncultured losers :-P

What's next? Are they gonna make brownies out of dog poop? It can be the most expensive brownie in the world! And I bet it'll go well with a nice cup of hot cat poop coffee.

I dropped by PETA.org to see what our crazy vegetarian friends are up to nowadays.

Well, PETA never disappoints. Look, it's another naked protest! This time, it's a hottie named Annalise Braakensiek getting naked to save some sheep or something.

A girl and a lamb--both yummy but in different ways

I don't know who she is, and I have no idea how to pronounce her name properly, but... *drool*

PETA girls are so much fun. It's so easy to get them naked. All you have to do is mistreat some animals in some way. Wear a fur coat or have a meal at KFC, and next thing you know, the clothes come flying off faster than you can say "tofu."

I don't see how nudity can ever solve anything. Hell, it's probably even less effective than suicide bombing.

But let's hope that they never stop these naked protests. Let's all do our share in torturing animals so that these vegetarian hotties never run out of reasons to take off their clothes.